Things I've found myself saying lately...

*"Want to watch cartoons?"

*"Don't eat the toilet paper roll.  It's gross."

*"Don't touch his penis.  We don't touch other people's private parts."

*"Don't pull on his penis, either."

*"One of these days I'm going to shake the crap out of YOUR bed."

*"Where is my hairbrush?  Oh, where is my hairbrush?  ..."  Veggies tales.  That's all I have to say about that.

*"No, chips are not a meal."

*"Ketchup isn't a meal either."

*"Just eat three bites and you can have whatever you want."

*"Don't squirt his penis."

*"One of these days I'm going to run past your crib while you're sleeping and scream like a banshee."

*"Please don't run over your sister with your stroller."

*"Don't smoosh them."

*"Stop trying to feed the babies candy.  They can't eat it..yet."

*"Don't bite your brother."

*"Don't take the dirty diapers out of the trash and play with them.  That's disgusting."

*"Want to have some bawk-a bawk-a?"  aka: chicken

*"Don't put your hands in your poopie."

*"Stop taking her/his paci away.  It's mean."
*"If you throw water on his/her face one more time you are going to get out of the tub and wait your turn."

and the best..or worst..depending on whom you ask

*"Get your a** over here."  Luckily the vacuum was on and she didn't hear me.  Definitely not my most shining moment in motherhood.

That's just what I can think of right now..